Here is a list of 5 things that you shouldn’t do in a long distance relationship (or any relationship for that matter). If you start to see your partner doing these things its time to have a serious chat.
1. Too much negativity
Negativity can come from others or from ourselves, but either way negativity and relationships don’t mix. Try to stay positive. Long distance relationship can and do work.
2. Dwindling Enthusiasm
Keeping the fire burning constantly can be difficult in a long distance relationship. However, a little technology and some creative thinking can go a long way. If you do start to feel the passion eroding, and you are longing for your partner less and less take some time to figure out if the relationship is still what you want.
3. Constant Investigations or Suspicions
Always wondering where your partner is? Concerned they are cheating? Most likely they are not. And unfounded accusations can really erode a relationship fast. If distrust seems to be getting worse, you need to determine if it is your own insecurities or if you really have cause for concern.
4. Going for a Temporary Replacement
Letting someone else into your life as a temporary replacement for your loved one who’s not physically around is (in the words of Pretty Woman) big mistake. Big. Huge. Yes, it can happen unintentionally, but if it continues it turns into one large step away from your partner.
5. Frequent Misinterpretation of Each Other
Couples who are next to each others sometimes misinterpret one another’s thoughts, words or actions. These misinterpretations just get worse with distance. Misinterpretations are, once in a while, pretty normal. But if it happens each time that you get to communicate with one another, it can mean the two of you are starting to grow apart.
xxx
SOURCE
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
10 Rules to Make Long Distance Relationships Work
Nearly everyone has experienced a long distance relationship at some point in his life. Most of us have failed to maintain it and have broken up, even though this may have been a promising relationship. Why is that so? What are the common reasons to break up in those long distance relationships and how can you make them work?
To begin with, I was there myself. A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.
The great thing about e-mail communication is, there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are. You can truly open up.
So we fell in love just for the persons we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.
Of course the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had about each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point. Luckily it worked out for us.
Long distance relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:
* You’ve met in a chat room or at an online personal site and realized in the end that you were several states far away from each other.
* You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town and your boyfriend or girlfriend has continued to stay in the college town.
* At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program and will be in that location for several months.
You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve met each other through chat/e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.
Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:
1. Have A Relationship Plan For The Future
Know where you are heading. Have a light at the end of the tunnel.
What do you want to accomplish in you partnership? Have goals and a time frame when you want to be together. It is very important that you both have a hope to live for.
I think that this is the most common reason why some long distance relationships don’t work: they don’t have a plan, they just hope it will turn out right, that a miracle is going to happen. Certainly this also means you have to make sacrifices. At least one of you.
Realize that you most likely only have three options: she moves to him, he moves to her or both move to another place. Start talking about it as soon as you realize that you want to be together. The biggest mistake you can make is to hush it up.
2. Meet Regularly
Try to see each other every month at least once. Plan this ahead and include some activities, like town visits, museums, a weekend in a fancy hotel, etc. Make it a celebration, an explosion, something very special!
Soon this short meetings will be something you long for, something that you will align your life at.
Remember, you only get a real connection by touching, feeling and smelling a person. You don’t get scent with email or skype, or that initial wow you feel inside when you see your love.
So do everything you can to meet at least once a month.
3. Use Modern Technologies To Communicate
You need all the help you can get, so why not using the glorious benefits of a modern communication world:
* Get an e-mail account if you do not have one and write at least one e-mail to each other every day
* Use Skype or something similar to talk to each other for free. Believe me, it’s awesome watching a movie together while simultaneously talking on Skype
* Use Instant Messaging (I recommend the Yahoo Messenger)
* Use digital photographs and videos of your daily activities and send them via e-mail
* Use a webcam (this I can highly recommend)
Using all this electronic stuff will make it much easier for you both. Imagine how it used to be 100 years ago, when a letter used to take months.
4. Give Yourselves A Free Day
This one-sided communication - I mean with no physical interaction - can sometimes frustrate very intensively. It is possible that this frustration then comes to conflicts between you as an outlet for it. This could lead to misunderstandings that are very difficult to resolve per e-mail. Believe me one thing, you do not want to have a fight over e-mail or phone.
I then found it very helpful to insert a day or two without any communication. What then happens is that you miss each other very intensively and you usually find yourselves at a more higher level than you were before.
If the only way of interaction between you is canceled for a day or two, you will either progress or doubt. In any case you will know where you stand. This is also a good way to test your long distance relationship.
5. Write Extensive And Intimate E-mails
Open yourself up completely. Write about your inner state, what you are feeling, what you dream about, what you hope for. As a rule of guidance: describe in your e-mails your inner state and in your phone-calls your outer state. Writing is more intense than verbal communication and allows you to be more intimate. That will create a tighter bond between you.
The most important thing here is: be honest! Don’t pretend you are someone you are not. Don’t put yourself in a better light. Long distance relationships only have a chance if both are completely honest and congruent.
6. Send A Written Letter Once In A While
Do not underestimate the marvelous feeling, when you look in your letter box and find a letter from your love, open it and see his/her writing. This is a pleasure we often forget about in this modern times. Not to mention that it’s far more romantic.
7. Beware Of Jealousy
Jealousy is a very dangerous thing and can threaten every long distance relationship. Jealousy is commonly a lack of trust and understanding. It very often reveals insecurities and bad experiences in other relationships.
The keyword here is simply: trust. You cannot control and observe your partner, you only can have faith in your relationship and in the things you build together in the times you had. Hold on to that and never give in to that green eyed monster.
Jealousy is one of the most negative and destructive emotions there is! Listen to Shakespeare:
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!
8. Avoid Dangerous “Situations”
As mentioned before, trust is essential. If you completely trust your partner and also have faith in your relationship, you can pretty much do what you want without endangering your relation. However, I nevertheless recommend avoiding some specific situations. Of course it depends on the person, but I would not date the opposite sex alone, or go to wild parties. Simply avoid temptations that could distract you from each other.
Better safe than sorry!
9. Never Loose Faith
Watch out, you will meet a lot of skepticism. People will tell you that long distance relationships never work, especially those who have had negative experiences about it. Don’t listen to them. People tend to negate things they failed on.
Listen to me: it can definitely work, but you both have to believe it.
10. Always Stay Positive
Always assume that your partner loves you and cares about you. Never assume anything negative, whether you read something in his/her e-mails or you disliked how he/she made a weird comment on something. Don’t interpret to much in it.
The problem with non-face-to-face communication is the lack of facial expression. It is so easy to misinterpret but unfortunately much harder to trust and stay positive.
I assure you, if something was wrong, you will know it.
As you can see, I’m definitely positive about long distance relationships. They expose ongoing life lessons, and prove that love, loyalty, and faith are the vital ingredients to a lasting relationship.
xxx
SOURCE
To begin with, I was there myself. A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.
The great thing about e-mail communication is, there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are. You can truly open up.
So we fell in love just for the persons we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.
Of course the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had about each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point. Luckily it worked out for us.
Long distance relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:
* You’ve met in a chat room or at an online personal site and realized in the end that you were several states far away from each other.
* You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town and your boyfriend or girlfriend has continued to stay in the college town.
* At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program and will be in that location for several months.
You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve met each other through chat/e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.
Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:
1. Have A Relationship Plan For The Future
Know where you are heading. Have a light at the end of the tunnel.
What do you want to accomplish in you partnership? Have goals and a time frame when you want to be together. It is very important that you both have a hope to live for.
I think that this is the most common reason why some long distance relationships don’t work: they don’t have a plan, they just hope it will turn out right, that a miracle is going to happen. Certainly this also means you have to make sacrifices. At least one of you.
Realize that you most likely only have three options: she moves to him, he moves to her or both move to another place. Start talking about it as soon as you realize that you want to be together. The biggest mistake you can make is to hush it up.
2. Meet Regularly
Try to see each other every month at least once. Plan this ahead and include some activities, like town visits, museums, a weekend in a fancy hotel, etc. Make it a celebration, an explosion, something very special!
Soon this short meetings will be something you long for, something that you will align your life at.
Remember, you only get a real connection by touching, feeling and smelling a person. You don’t get scent with email or skype, or that initial wow you feel inside when you see your love.
So do everything you can to meet at least once a month.
3. Use Modern Technologies To Communicate
You need all the help you can get, so why not using the glorious benefits of a modern communication world:
* Get an e-mail account if you do not have one and write at least one e-mail to each other every day
* Use Skype or something similar to talk to each other for free. Believe me, it’s awesome watching a movie together while simultaneously talking on Skype
* Use Instant Messaging (I recommend the Yahoo Messenger)
* Use digital photographs and videos of your daily activities and send them via e-mail
* Use a webcam (this I can highly recommend)
Using all this electronic stuff will make it much easier for you both. Imagine how it used to be 100 years ago, when a letter used to take months.
4. Give Yourselves A Free Day
This one-sided communication - I mean with no physical interaction - can sometimes frustrate very intensively. It is possible that this frustration then comes to conflicts between you as an outlet for it. This could lead to misunderstandings that are very difficult to resolve per e-mail. Believe me one thing, you do not want to have a fight over e-mail or phone.
I then found it very helpful to insert a day or two without any communication. What then happens is that you miss each other very intensively and you usually find yourselves at a more higher level than you were before.
If the only way of interaction between you is canceled for a day or two, you will either progress or doubt. In any case you will know where you stand. This is also a good way to test your long distance relationship.
5. Write Extensive And Intimate E-mails
Open yourself up completely. Write about your inner state, what you are feeling, what you dream about, what you hope for. As a rule of guidance: describe in your e-mails your inner state and in your phone-calls your outer state. Writing is more intense than verbal communication and allows you to be more intimate. That will create a tighter bond between you.
The most important thing here is: be honest! Don’t pretend you are someone you are not. Don’t put yourself in a better light. Long distance relationships only have a chance if both are completely honest and congruent.
6. Send A Written Letter Once In A While
Do not underestimate the marvelous feeling, when you look in your letter box and find a letter from your love, open it and see his/her writing. This is a pleasure we often forget about in this modern times. Not to mention that it’s far more romantic.
7. Beware Of Jealousy
Jealousy is a very dangerous thing and can threaten every long distance relationship. Jealousy is commonly a lack of trust and understanding. It very often reveals insecurities and bad experiences in other relationships.
The keyword here is simply: trust. You cannot control and observe your partner, you only can have faith in your relationship and in the things you build together in the times you had. Hold on to that and never give in to that green eyed monster.
Jealousy is one of the most negative and destructive emotions there is! Listen to Shakespeare:
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!
8. Avoid Dangerous “Situations”
As mentioned before, trust is essential. If you completely trust your partner and also have faith in your relationship, you can pretty much do what you want without endangering your relation. However, I nevertheless recommend avoiding some specific situations. Of course it depends on the person, but I would not date the opposite sex alone, or go to wild parties. Simply avoid temptations that could distract you from each other.
Better safe than sorry!
9. Never Loose Faith
Watch out, you will meet a lot of skepticism. People will tell you that long distance relationships never work, especially those who have had negative experiences about it. Don’t listen to them. People tend to negate things they failed on.
Listen to me: it can definitely work, but you both have to believe it.
10. Always Stay Positive
Always assume that your partner loves you and cares about you. Never assume anything negative, whether you read something in his/her e-mails or you disliked how he/she made a weird comment on something. Don’t interpret to much in it.
The problem with non-face-to-face communication is the lack of facial expression. It is so easy to misinterpret but unfortunately much harder to trust and stay positive.
I assure you, if something was wrong, you will know it.
As you can see, I’m definitely positive about long distance relationships. They expose ongoing life lessons, and prove that love, loyalty, and faith are the vital ingredients to a lasting relationship.
xxx
SOURCE
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
WARNINGS on How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
* Remember, every kind of relationship takes hard work and dedication to your loved one or partner, whether it's long distance or proximal. If you and your partner are willing to take these steps, then expect bumps and turns in the road. These bumps and turns will only help contribute towards a relationship.
* Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. They can be very trying but so can proximal relationships.
* Long distance relationships can and will test you and your partner; you need to trust him/her entirely as paranoia can play a major part in the demise of your relationship. Also, these kinds of relationships can bring a lot of disappointment and heartache--depending on the time you spend away from each other. It is VERY important that if you want this relationship to work, you must make a great effort not to drift apart.
* Long distance relationships are difficult, as you are emotionally attached to a person you cannot touch or comfort and this can hurt your heart and wreak havoc with your emotions. The only way to make these relationships work is if you and your partner honestly believe you will be able to survive without each other for a considerable amount of time. In a relationship, you may have negative thoughts or feelings that are not true, you may doubt your love feelings, or, because of some fights over the phone, you may feel that you don't feel the way you did before for your partner. But these feelings are like demons that will eat up the charm of your beautiful relationship.
* Remember fights are a part of any relationship, and it's up to you to deal with it or to succumb to it. You may end up your life in making and breaking relations and finally landing nowhere or in such a relation that is just socially accepted without your full involvement. If you do, you just spoil your and your partner's life.
* When you are alone, take out time to see the photos of your love or any gift that he has given or any romantic card from him. At night, before sleeping, try to recollect those wonderful moments that you spent with your love. Try to get cozy with him/her in your dreams. Try to imagine yourself in his/her arms being intimately closed to him/her. Remember those times when he/she cared of you.
* In a relationship, try to make every possible effort from your side, or you may complicate your life with heartbreaks because when you got into a relationship, it was Love, and also now, it's love but more than love: it's commitment that is most important as love may fade away with time, but it's your positive attitude that will keep it alive.
* A long distance relationship is a lot like having a pen pal. Keep that in mind. If you're lucky it will be about as good as a book on tape. You will get to hear about the person's life but never experience it.
xxx
SOURCE
* Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. They can be very trying but so can proximal relationships.
* Long distance relationships can and will test you and your partner; you need to trust him/her entirely as paranoia can play a major part in the demise of your relationship. Also, these kinds of relationships can bring a lot of disappointment and heartache--depending on the time you spend away from each other. It is VERY important that if you want this relationship to work, you must make a great effort not to drift apart.
* Long distance relationships are difficult, as you are emotionally attached to a person you cannot touch or comfort and this can hurt your heart and wreak havoc with your emotions. The only way to make these relationships work is if you and your partner honestly believe you will be able to survive without each other for a considerable amount of time. In a relationship, you may have negative thoughts or feelings that are not true, you may doubt your love feelings, or, because of some fights over the phone, you may feel that you don't feel the way you did before for your partner. But these feelings are like demons that will eat up the charm of your beautiful relationship.
* Remember fights are a part of any relationship, and it's up to you to deal with it or to succumb to it. You may end up your life in making and breaking relations and finally landing nowhere or in such a relation that is just socially accepted without your full involvement. If you do, you just spoil your and your partner's life.
* When you are alone, take out time to see the photos of your love or any gift that he has given or any romantic card from him. At night, before sleeping, try to recollect those wonderful moments that you spent with your love. Try to get cozy with him/her in your dreams. Try to imagine yourself in his/her arms being intimately closed to him/her. Remember those times when he/she cared of you.
* In a relationship, try to make every possible effort from your side, or you may complicate your life with heartbreaks because when you got into a relationship, it was Love, and also now, it's love but more than love: it's commitment that is most important as love may fade away with time, but it's your positive attitude that will keep it alive.
* A long distance relationship is a lot like having a pen pal. Keep that in mind. If you're lucky it will be about as good as a book on tape. You will get to hear about the person's life but never experience it.
xxx
SOURCE
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
TIPS on How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
* Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
* A long distance relationship is no different from a proximal relationship in that they both require a great deal of work, excellent communication, patience, sacrifice and understanding. But you will have to work extra hard to maintain the communication and to stay focused enough to not let your daily life interfere with your desire to be with the other person. Don't forget them or you can forget the relationship and it will all be over.
* Sometimes phone/email/IM communication can get bland... Don't forget there are other ways to interact! Utilize the internet and find things you both can do together. It takes the pressure of constant talking, and can be fun.
* One of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship is connecting when one person gets busier than the other. If this happens in a relationship, it is important to maintain communication. If you are the busy person, try to warn your partner ahead of time that you will be working many hours and may have limited time. If you are the not-as-busy person, take advantage of the time by picking up a new hobby, getting in shape, reading a new book, etc. Flexibility is very important.
* It helps to have a solid time in the future for when the long distance part of the relationship will end, no matter the time length. Without it, the relationship can begin to mold into something that is always distant - even with great communication. With it, each person can see the point at which the distance will end and work harder to keep emotions readily available.
* When talking to your partner, take note of things they enjoy the most (hobbies, day-to-day activities, etc.), and do a little research on it so you have more to do when you see them next. For example: If your partner likes to dance, find the location of different clubs where you will see them next. If you don't know how to dance, take lessons and you will impress them by your willingness to make an effort on their behalf.
* Buy a game that you can play together over the internet, such as a MMORPG (massively multi-player online role playing game). You will be able to chat while playing and it will give a greater feeling of togetherness.
* Mail each other scented clothes (or even clothes smelling of your sweat - pheromones are a great way to establish intimate contact). If you are able to see each other once a week, leave a t-shirt splashed with cologne for your lover before you leave.
* Send each other spontaneous ecards.
* Make a creative countdown and mail it to your partner to enjoy until you see each other next. For example, create a photo calendar, with something you add for each day to describe what you love about them.
* Do not set unreasonable expectations for your visit and/or future plans. Fantasizing about the visit is fine, but not out loud verbally or by email to your partner. Instead, enjoy the excitement of the surprises to come. By stating that a surprise is coming can allow to much thought time for the receiver and leaves both of you open to disappointments.
* The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook is a well-balanced, practical book for couples in long distance relationships who need some guidance.
* Buy a webcam so you can chat face to face and see each other, so when you meet you will remember what they look like.
* Consider the fact that living far apart gives you both a chance to grow as individuals. Some couples break up to "find themselves", but in a long distance relationship you both have enough space to do your own things and still have a connection.
* Don't be afraid to talk about the "boring" parts of your day. The trickier, almost subconscious part is maintaining the feeling of being intermingled in your partner's life, a state the experts often refer to as "interrelatedness."
* Spice things up by meeting half way (if it's within a reasonable distance) to grab a bite to eat or get some coffee. This is a great alternative if you're not able to dedicate an entire weekend with your significant other.
* Don't talk on the phone TOO often. Since most of your relationship is based off of phone calls, you don't want to run out of things to talk about for the whole day. Calling one to two times daily will allow you to talk to each other without having repetitive conversations.
xxx
SOURCE
* A long distance relationship is no different from a proximal relationship in that they both require a great deal of work, excellent communication, patience, sacrifice and understanding. But you will have to work extra hard to maintain the communication and to stay focused enough to not let your daily life interfere with your desire to be with the other person. Don't forget them or you can forget the relationship and it will all be over.
* Sometimes phone/email/IM communication can get bland... Don't forget there are other ways to interact! Utilize the internet and find things you both can do together. It takes the pressure of constant talking, and can be fun.
* One of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship is connecting when one person gets busier than the other. If this happens in a relationship, it is important to maintain communication. If you are the busy person, try to warn your partner ahead of time that you will be working many hours and may have limited time. If you are the not-as-busy person, take advantage of the time by picking up a new hobby, getting in shape, reading a new book, etc. Flexibility is very important.
* It helps to have a solid time in the future for when the long distance part of the relationship will end, no matter the time length. Without it, the relationship can begin to mold into something that is always distant - even with great communication. With it, each person can see the point at which the distance will end and work harder to keep emotions readily available.
* When talking to your partner, take note of things they enjoy the most (hobbies, day-to-day activities, etc.), and do a little research on it so you have more to do when you see them next. For example: If your partner likes to dance, find the location of different clubs where you will see them next. If you don't know how to dance, take lessons and you will impress them by your willingness to make an effort on their behalf.
* Buy a game that you can play together over the internet, such as a MMORPG (massively multi-player online role playing game). You will be able to chat while playing and it will give a greater feeling of togetherness.
* Mail each other scented clothes (or even clothes smelling of your sweat - pheromones are a great way to establish intimate contact). If you are able to see each other once a week, leave a t-shirt splashed with cologne for your lover before you leave.
* Send each other spontaneous ecards.
* Make a creative countdown and mail it to your partner to enjoy until you see each other next. For example, create a photo calendar, with something you add for each day to describe what you love about them.
* Do not set unreasonable expectations for your visit and/or future plans. Fantasizing about the visit is fine, but not out loud verbally or by email to your partner. Instead, enjoy the excitement of the surprises to come. By stating that a surprise is coming can allow to much thought time for the receiver and leaves both of you open to disappointments.
* The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook is a well-balanced, practical book for couples in long distance relationships who need some guidance.
* Buy a webcam so you can chat face to face and see each other, so when you meet you will remember what they look like.
* Consider the fact that living far apart gives you both a chance to grow as individuals. Some couples break up to "find themselves", but in a long distance relationship you both have enough space to do your own things and still have a connection.
* Don't be afraid to talk about the "boring" parts of your day. The trickier, almost subconscious part is maintaining the feeling of being intermingled in your partner's life, a state the experts often refer to as "interrelatedness."
* Spice things up by meeting half way (if it's within a reasonable distance) to grab a bite to eat or get some coffee. This is a great alternative if you're not able to dedicate an entire weekend with your significant other.
* Don't talk on the phone TOO often. Since most of your relationship is based off of phone calls, you don't want to run out of things to talk about for the whole day. Calling one to two times daily will allow you to talk to each other without having repetitive conversations.
xxx
SOURCE
STEPS on How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
1. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship (dating, seeing each other, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged) as well as defining exclusive (limited to one person,) or non-exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?" or "What are you looking to get out of the relationship?" Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need.
2. Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think... People in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously.
3. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted!
4. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together. Here are additional benefits of long distance relationships.
5. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.
6. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
7. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.
8. Remember: Things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope.
9. Visit often. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone call. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help an LDR survive.
10. Avoid jealousy and be trusting. One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship, you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worthy of trust until proven otherwise. Don't fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven't met or he/she didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in an LDR, your lives won't pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.
11. Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of an LDR is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive point is that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, communicate better since you don't have "face-to-face" time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.
12. Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, where they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you. This will provide comfort, happiness, and the thought of being with you.
13. Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about. But don't forget to ask some questions because if you don't, your partner may start to think that you're losing interest.
14. Create your own set of relationship standards that both of you have mutually agreed upon. That creates a common goal for you to work towards developing a strong relationship whether you are together or apart. For example, ...agree to disagree, accept each other as you are, trust and honesty, compromise and self-sacrifice, spiritual unity, open communication.
xxx
SOURCE
2. Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think... People in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously.
3. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted!
4. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together. Here are additional benefits of long distance relationships.
5. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.
6. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
7. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.
8. Remember: Things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope.
9. Visit often. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone call. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help an LDR survive.
10. Avoid jealousy and be trusting. One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship, you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worthy of trust until proven otherwise. Don't fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven't met or he/she didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in an LDR, your lives won't pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.
11. Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of an LDR is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive point is that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, communicate better since you don't have "face-to-face" time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.
12. Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, where they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you. This will provide comfort, happiness, and the thought of being with you.
13. Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about. But don't forget to ask some questions because if you don't, your partner may start to think that you're losing interest.
14. Create your own set of relationship standards that both of you have mutually agreed upon. That creates a common goal for you to work towards developing a strong relationship whether you are together or apart. For example, ...agree to disagree, accept each other as you are, trust and honesty, compromise and self-sacrifice, spiritual unity, open communication.
xxx
SOURCE
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Long Distance Relationship Advice
If you are in a successful “long distance relationship”, you already know the secrets to having one. However, if you are just entering a relationship like this then you probably are seeking advice on what to do, and not to do so that the relationship will work. Don’t search any further than this article. Below are some useful tips and advice for long distance relationships.
Long Distance Relationship Advice:
Definite Things to Do In a Long Distance Relationship
1 – You have to trust each other. Trust could be a problem when you live far away from each other. So work on building a solid foundation of trust in your relationship.
2 – Communicate often whether it is through phone calls, letters, e-mail, or private-messaging programs. Today with the Internet it is easy to keep in touch long distance. You can even do video messaging so that you can see each other as you are talking together. There are even game sites where you and your partner could meet and play a game together if you like doing that stuff. It can be a cyber date.
3 – Travel to see each other. Have a long weekend together to really strengthen your bond. You could always meet somewhere that is halfway between where each of you live. It doesn’t matter whether it is staying in separate rooms and going sightseeing together, or a romantic hotel room with a hot tub in it. Either scenario is fine for getting to spend quality one-on-one time together.
4 – The more things you do that both of you relate to, the more things you will have to talk about. Whether it is a craft, hobby, or sport it does not matter. It can even be that you both are reading the same book and you can compare notes on whether you like the book or not.
Definite Things Not to Do In a Long Distance Relationship
1 – Don’t let your eye wander to someone else. It is easy to want companionship when you get lonesome for your partner. But reaching out to another person on an intimate is going to work to destroy your long-distance relationship.
2 – Don’t be overly needy because your partner can be there to physically take care of the situation. When you partner knows that you can handle your problems on your own, they are more likely to stay with you. If you moan and complain that handling things is too much for you they may let you go so you can find someone nearby to lean on.
3 – Do not get jealous or suspicious in anyway. Don’t let your mind run away with ideas that your partner is out having a good time. They are probably just working late. This plays hand-in-hand with the trust issue.
4 – Don’t use your time communicating with each for griping or other negative conversations. Every minute you and your partner talk together is important and should be positive and enjoyable. Needing advice over a difficult situation is one bellyaching about your life is another. Keep the communication about happy things.
Following these tips will help you have a long-lasting long-distance relationship with each other. These relationships can work out beautifully until the day you two can be together more. It does take more commitment and work to make these relationships be successful.
xxx
SOURCE
Long Distance Relationship Advice:
Definite Things to Do In a Long Distance Relationship
1 – You have to trust each other. Trust could be a problem when you live far away from each other. So work on building a solid foundation of trust in your relationship.
2 – Communicate often whether it is through phone calls, letters, e-mail, or private-messaging programs. Today with the Internet it is easy to keep in touch long distance. You can even do video messaging so that you can see each other as you are talking together. There are even game sites where you and your partner could meet and play a game together if you like doing that stuff. It can be a cyber date.
3 – Travel to see each other. Have a long weekend together to really strengthen your bond. You could always meet somewhere that is halfway between where each of you live. It doesn’t matter whether it is staying in separate rooms and going sightseeing together, or a romantic hotel room with a hot tub in it. Either scenario is fine for getting to spend quality one-on-one time together.
4 – The more things you do that both of you relate to, the more things you will have to talk about. Whether it is a craft, hobby, or sport it does not matter. It can even be that you both are reading the same book and you can compare notes on whether you like the book or not.
Definite Things Not to Do In a Long Distance Relationship
1 – Don’t let your eye wander to someone else. It is easy to want companionship when you get lonesome for your partner. But reaching out to another person on an intimate is going to work to destroy your long-distance relationship.
2 – Don’t be overly needy because your partner can be there to physically take care of the situation. When you partner knows that you can handle your problems on your own, they are more likely to stay with you. If you moan and complain that handling things is too much for you they may let you go so you can find someone nearby to lean on.
3 – Do not get jealous or suspicious in anyway. Don’t let your mind run away with ideas that your partner is out having a good time. They are probably just working late. This plays hand-in-hand with the trust issue.
4 – Don’t use your time communicating with each for griping or other negative conversations. Every minute you and your partner talk together is important and should be positive and enjoyable. Needing advice over a difficult situation is one bellyaching about your life is another. Keep the communication about happy things.
Following these tips will help you have a long-lasting long-distance relationship with each other. These relationships can work out beautifully until the day you two can be together more. It does take more commitment and work to make these relationships be successful.
xxx
SOURCE
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
Making a long distance relationship work takes a bit more work than a regular one does. For one thing you do not have as much one-on-one time to be reassured about how your partner feels about you.
You also are not sure when you will see each other again either. Your partner may not either communicate all their day-to-day activities for you to know what they are doing.
This all makes insecurity for one or both of you. So you have to be prepared for issues like this. Be truthful with yourself about how hard this might be for you to go through and talk to your partner about it. Examine what you need from the relationship too.
1 - If you are a needy person who needs the physical companionship often, this a long distance relationship may not be the one for you. Needy personality types do tend to get more insecure easier.
2 - Now if you are the independent type who likes some alone time, you could do quite well with a long distance relationship. So look inside yourself before agreeing to start a relationship of this kind.
3 - If you know you are going to be more suspicious, because your partner is not with you on a regular basis this could cause trouble.
4 - Also you may know you will just be too lonesome and sad without them close by and this too could be an issue.
You have to examine who you are and figure out what you want before trying out this kind of relationship. Once that is done, there are a few things you should and shouldn’t do to make the relationship strong.
1 - Do be independent and have a life of your own separate from your partner. This gives you more to share in conversations and e-mails with them. Your partner will be pleased that you are having a fulfilling life on your own without them. It actually takes some pressure off of them.
2 - Find fun ways to have dates even though you are far away from each other. Meet at one of the game sites and play cards or have webcam dinners together.
3 - Make time to go see your partner. A weekend trip will give you some special bonding moments. These moments can be simple or elaborate events.
4 - Don’t be insecure and overly clingy; remember it is hard for your partner to be away from you too. If you make this even more difficult by your actions they may change their mind on the relationship.
5 - Don’t let your mind run wild and start thinking that your partner is up to no good just because you can’t see them. Nothing will finish off a relationship faster than lack of trust.
6 - Don’t make you partner have a reason to mistrust you. Being apart is hard and they need to know you are loyal.
Hopefully through the information given here, you will know how to make a long distance relationship work. If you are willing to go for it you also now know what you should and should not do. This will enable you to have a strong relationship no matter how many miles part you are.
xxx
SOURCE
You also are not sure when you will see each other again either. Your partner may not either communicate all their day-to-day activities for you to know what they are doing.
This all makes insecurity for one or both of you. So you have to be prepared for issues like this. Be truthful with yourself about how hard this might be for you to go through and talk to your partner about it. Examine what you need from the relationship too.
1 - If you are a needy person who needs the physical companionship often, this a long distance relationship may not be the one for you. Needy personality types do tend to get more insecure easier.
2 - Now if you are the independent type who likes some alone time, you could do quite well with a long distance relationship. So look inside yourself before agreeing to start a relationship of this kind.
3 - If you know you are going to be more suspicious, because your partner is not with you on a regular basis this could cause trouble.
4 - Also you may know you will just be too lonesome and sad without them close by and this too could be an issue.
You have to examine who you are and figure out what you want before trying out this kind of relationship. Once that is done, there are a few things you should and shouldn’t do to make the relationship strong.
1 - Do be independent and have a life of your own separate from your partner. This gives you more to share in conversations and e-mails with them. Your partner will be pleased that you are having a fulfilling life on your own without them. It actually takes some pressure off of them.
2 - Find fun ways to have dates even though you are far away from each other. Meet at one of the game sites and play cards or have webcam dinners together.
3 - Make time to go see your partner. A weekend trip will give you some special bonding moments. These moments can be simple or elaborate events.
4 - Don’t be insecure and overly clingy; remember it is hard for your partner to be away from you too. If you make this even more difficult by your actions they may change their mind on the relationship.
5 - Don’t let your mind run wild and start thinking that your partner is up to no good just because you can’t see them. Nothing will finish off a relationship faster than lack of trust.
6 - Don’t make you partner have a reason to mistrust you. Being apart is hard and they need to know you are loyal.
Hopefully through the information given here, you will know how to make a long distance relationship work. If you are willing to go for it you also now know what you should and should not do. This will enable you to have a strong relationship no matter how many miles part you are.
xxx
SOURCE
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